Lingering

As I scroll through my gallery, 
deleting the junk, clearing the mess, 
I should feel lighter- 
but then, there you are.
 
A picture I thought was gone, 
a memory I swore I erased
Yet, here it stands, defiant, 
like a ghost refusing to fade. 

I thought I had learned to live without you, 
thought time had stitched the gaps. 
But in one breath, one careless glance, 
I find myself right back at the start.
 
I hate that I don't hate you, 
hate that scene from 10 Things I Hate About You 
cuz it still pulls you back into my mind, 
like a song I didn't mean to play.
 
I hate that I can't curse your name, 
can't rewrite you as the villain. 
Hate that I still reach for my phone, 
then stop-fingers hovering over nothing. 

I hate pretending, 
hate acting like I don't care. 
Hate that I have to move on 
when I never got to say goodbye.
 
I hate all of this- but strangely, impossibly, 
I don't hate you.